Candy Time
by alynwa
Summary: Originally written for the Short Affairs Challenge on LJ. The prompts were "Oath" and "Black."


After the third phone call that morning from a secretary trying to sell him candy, Napoleon knew that sneaky Russian he called a partner was involved somehow. _I don't dislike candy, but I don't like it so much that people here have seen me eating it. He must be saying something to make these women call me!_

He looked up at the sound of the door opening to see Illya, folder in hand and glasses on head, reading as he entered the office. He glanced up just to make sure he was on course to sit in his seat. He placed the file on his desk as he sat and continued reading.

"Illya."

"Napoleon!" His head shot up in surprise. "I did not notice you there; this report on what Research and Development is working on is _fascinating!_ They are trying to develop a communicator that can vibrate in addition to chirping. Agents would be able to turn off the chirp and be able to feel when a call is coming through."

"That is fascinating," Napoleon conceded, "All of Section Two has had that thing go off at an inopportune time. I hope they get it to work. You want to know what else is fascinating? I've been fielding calls to buy candy all morning from the secretarial pool. Do you know anything about that, Partner Mine?"

Illya's brows disappeared under his bangs. "Why would I know anything about women trying to sell you candy?"

"Don't give me those innocent baby blues! I know you've been annoyed with me for borrowing your candy…*"

"' _Borrowing'_ implies that I consented to you having it. You have a habit of just helping yourself."

"Which is the reason, I think, that every mother with a school – aged child involved in a candy drive is calling me."

"Have you bought any?"

"Yes; I don't want the married women telling my dating pool that I don't support children or some such nonsense. Are you going to deny telling the secretarial pool to sell me candy?"

"Why would I want you to buy candy from _anyone_?"

"So that you can take my candy from my desk when I'm not here."

"You could take your candy home."

"Uh huh, because you _never_ come to my house."

"What can I do, Napoleon, to make you stop these accusations? Would you like me to take a Black Oath?"

"What the heck is _that?_ "

"In 1639 the Black Oath was imposed on all Scots in Ulster over the age of 16 by Thomas Wentworth, who was the Lord Deputy in Ireland. He was determined to introduce religious conformity in the North of Ireland. They were required to reject the Scottish National Covenant which opposed the imposition by Charles I of certain innovations on the Church of Scotland. That is the origin of the term. When I studied at Cambridge, my Scottish classmates used the term to swear to the veracity of what they were saying. Breaking the oath in the 1600s was grounds for severe punishment and at Cambridge, breaking the oath meant you submitted yourself for punishment to the person for whom you swore the oath."

"So, if you swore this 'Black Oath' to me and I found out you were lying, I would decide what your punishment would be?"

Illya shrugged. "I would be honor bound to submit to it."

"Huh." Napoleon stared at the blond across their desks as he wondered how far he was willing to go to prove his theory. "You know what, Tovarisch, forget it. I'm not so petty that I'm going to demand that you do such a thing."

Before Illya could say anything, Napoleon's phone rang. "Solo. Hello, Lisa. Yes, I'm on my way." He stood and reached for his jacket. "If anyone else calls for me, take a message and if it's a candy sale request, let her know I've bought my limit. I'll probably be gone for a couple of hours."

"See you later." He watched as the CEA left. Only after the door slid shut did he allow himself to smile broadly. _Oh Napoleon, sometimes you are just too easy! A few deflections, make up some Cambridge Black Oath stuff to dovetail off real history and I am in the clear. That is what you get for stealing my candy._

*ref. Chapter 20 of my MFU Drabbles, "Snack"


End file.
